Moonpies and Movie Stars
by Iffy Jr
Summary: Loki/Tony. No. 5/10 in the CASHMBHGIF series. "Tony likes movies, and Loki likes movies, so why not watch a whole bunch of them together? Maybe 40 movies is a LITTLE bit too much to have planned, but Tony just really needs a way to keep Loki from going out in public and pulling pranks on random people. Unfortunately for him, Loki eventually catches on."


Author's notes: Hey y'all! Remember that series I'm writing with the super intense title? _CASHMBHGIF_ (Come And See How My Brain Has Gone Insane Forever)? Yeah, well, here's the fifth one! I'm halfway through the series, weee! It's 16 pages (the longest one I've written yet, woohoo!) and just over 6000 words long according to Word. Also, gotta throw it out right now, I totally stole the title from the title of a book: _Moonpies and Movie Stars_ by Amy Wallen. It was actually really good even though it's totally not my type of book! Being that everyone is straight and there's no sex scenes… Whoops.

Also hey I definitely suggest reading these things in order, partly for big things but mostly just for little things. There are going to be 10, but this is just the 5th, and I already have all of the titles and everything! The one before this was Hot Dogs and Hot Rods, and the one after this is Beers and Beaches. I'm working on B&B now, but who _knows_ when it will be done. I have so many other things that I'm writing… *sighs* the life of a writer.

Anyway. There are going to be a lot of, erm, breaks in this story. It'll be okay I swear. Plus there are a lot of movies (no shit, right?), and if you don't know a movie, then…well, you probably won't get that specific part, but the good news is that they're usually pretty short! Other good news is that I picked mostly popular movies :) So, without further ado… Enjoy!

PS this story takes place in mid-June for no reason at all except for the fact that I wanted it to be about a month since the last adventure :)

* * *

**Disclaimer**: None of the characters in this story are mine unless I say otherwise. Yup.

**Summary**: Loki/Tony. No. 5/10 in the CASHMBHGIF series. "Tony likes movies, and Loki likes movies, so why not watch a whole bunch of them together? Maybe 40 movies is a LITTLE bit too much to have planned, but Tony just really needs a way to keep Loki from going out in public and pulling pranks on random people. Unfortunately for him, Loki eventually catches on." COMPLETE.

**Pairings**: (Main) Tony/Loki; (Other) Bruce/Elizabeth  
**Status**: Complete  
**Rating**: Mature  
**Warning**: m/m and m/f pairings; strong language; lots of implied smut but I'm lazy sorry

* * *

**Moonpies and Movies Stars**

Tony bursts into the lab, a huge smile on his face. Loki is working on something with Bruce, but they both look up at him. He got the best idea ever—and _why_ is it the best idea ever? Because it will keep Loki inside instead of running around to pull pranks on random people, which means Fury will be off their back and Tony can sleep easy for the first time in _months_.

"What happened to you?" Bruce asks, raising an eyebrow. "Found the ultimate coffee flavor?"

"Nope!" Tony says, spinning over to Loki. "Lo', babe, I have the greatest idea."

Loki smiles down at him, pulling them into a waltzing position. "Oh? Do tell."

"You like movies, right?" he asks as they begin to dance around the room.

Bruce gives a small eye roll and goes back to working.

"I do," Loki replies.

"_I_ have the best movie list in the entire world, and you need to watch every last one of them."

Loki frowns as they spin. "How many?"

"Forty of them."

Loki bends him backwards. "How _long_ will that take?"

Tony gives a somewhat guilty smile. "Just eight-four hours and twenty-eight minutes."

Loki snorts and drops him, thankfully not very far thanks to the low dip. "I am more impressed by the fact that you did the exact math."

He shrugs on the ground before moving to stand. "I knew you would ask."

"Must we watch them _all_?"

"Well, not straight through… You might be able to do that, but I need food, sleep, bathroom breaks, and sex."

Bruce snorts, still working.

Loki smirks. "Fine. We'll spread them out. As much as we can before _your_ human needs act up, and then we'll…start again."

Tony grins. "Is that a yes?"

"It is."

"Awesome. Sex first."

Bruce simply waves as they disappear out of the lab.

**XxX**

"Okay," Tony says as they finally leave their bedroom. "We need snacks. Do you like Moonpies?"

Loki cocks an eyebrow as they move towards the kitchen. "What are _Moonpies_?"

Tony grins. "I've never actually had them before. Steve recommended them to me. I think they're like smores."

Loki grins. "I like smores."

"I know. Come on."

They eventually make it to the theater room of the Avenger's Mansion, dumping their spoils onto the closest couch. "Okay," Tony says, motioning to the piles of movies at the foot of the couch. "These are my pile of movies. They're mostly in alphabetical order so I don't have to come up with my _own_ order."

Loki nods, plunking down on the couch. "Which ones did you choose?"

Tony blows out a breath and sits down beside him, pulling up the piles to read them off: "The individual movies are 2001: A Space Odyssey, Django Unchained, Dumb and Dumber, Hook, Independence Day, Jumanji, Maverick, Napoleon Dynamite, Oz: The Great and Powerful, The Count of Monte Cristo, The Last Samurai, The Majestic, The Patriot, The Truman Show, and the Titanic. There are others, though, that have a whole bunch, being the four Terminator's, the four Ice Age's, the four Pirates of the Caribbean, the three Jurassic Park's, the three Lord of the Rings, and the six from Star Wars! I'm giving us eight hours to sleep, an hour for bathroom breaks, and then an hour of stretching between movies, and that means we'll have about fourteen hours of movie watching for each twenty-four hours."

Loki grins slightly. "I think you spent too much time on this planning, love."

Tony tries not to show off his guilty look. "Well, you know. I plan _some_ things."

"You just don't want me disappearing off and terrorizing people?"

_Now_ he lets the guilt shine through. "Maybe a little."

Loki gives an almost evil smirk. "We'll see how that goes."

Tony sighs, snatching up 2001. "Great."

**XxX**

_-2001: A Space Odyssey-  
Day 1…_

Loki looks up at Jarvis's sensor strip, eyeing him slightly. "You're not related to Hal, are you?" he asks.

Tony actually jumps when Jarvis lets out a blubbering noise.

"HAL JUST NEEDED A HUG, OKAY?!" the AI wails.

Tony wrinkles his nose up at him. "Crying? I don't remember programming you to cry! Don't you dare turn the sprinkler system on for tears!"

_-Django Unchained-_

Loki gasps slightly when Django shoots the men who just "let him escape".

"But…they were being nice to him!" he says unhappily. "He could have used them! At the very least he could trip them if zombies were chasing after them!"

Tony snorts. "Now there's an idea. Instead of Django Unchained it's gonna be Django Chainsawed."

Loki shakes his head. "It's just… There's not even that much blood when _I_ blow someone's head off."

"I don't know, Lo'. I've seen you blow some heads off."

"It's very unrealistic."

"Yeah? You should see Death Proof."

"That's not in your pile, is it?"

"No."

"Then _no_. This is only our second movie and I already never want to see another film again."

Tony grins. "Sorry."

* * *

_-Dumb and Dumber-_

Loki blinks at the screen with a wrinkled nose, watching the credits roll. "Jim Carry is one of your favorite actors?"

"Yeah, he's hilarious."

"But this was…"

T grins. "Yeah?"

"It was just so…"

Tony can barely contain himself. "Yeeeah?"

"It was _dumb_."

Tony squeals. "AHHH YOU DID THE THING."

Loki rolls his eyes. "Just change the movie."

* * *

_-Hook-_

Loki actually looks like he's about to cry. "He just…left them? He left all of the Lost Boys?" He looks down at Tony and sniffs in deeply. "And Smee was there and Toodles got his marbles back and… COULDN'T HE JUST BRING HIS FAMILY BACK THERE? THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN COOL TOO OKAY."

"Lo', hey, calm down!" Tony says, taking his face in his hands. "It's just a movie. It didn't happen, remember?"

Loki sniffs in again. "Oh." More sniffing. "I forgot." Less sniffing. "It was still sad."

"There are going to be actual sad scenes in coming movies, you know… Do you want to switch the movies out, maybe?"

The god shakes his head. "No, no, I can do it. I'm tough."

Tony smiles warmly at him. "You now I love you, right?"

He nods, but then he sighs. "I wish _I_ could fly."

Tony kisses his forehead. "I'll start working on it right away."

Loki gives him a smile back. "I love you too, Tone."

* * *

_-Independence Day-  
11 Hours & 36 Minutes of Movies After Staring Today…_

"Why does he keep _saying_ that?" Loki hisses as the movie continues to play. "Who is the Fat Lady, and why is she going to sing?"

Tony laughs, telling Jarvis to pause the movie. "It's an opera reference, actually."

The god frowns, looking down at him. "It is? Why would somebody like that use opera references?"

Tony shrugs. "It's mostly just a figure of speech, now. Most opera's don't even have 'the Fat Lady' anymore."

"Who is she?"

"Just a fat lady that sings. In cartoons she either falls through the floor or gets yanked off the stage with a cane."

He wrinkles his nose up, looking back at the screen. "How _un_ladylike."

Tony snorts. "As if you've ever cared about being ladylike."

With a green flash, Loki morphs into a woman. "On occasion," he/she says, "it is very useful."

Tony blinks a lot. "Shit," he says, leaning away. "You are really hot like this."

He/she laughs before another green flash turns he/she back into a he. "Too bad for you."

Tony grins. "I think we should go to bed, Lo'."

The god grins back. "I believe we should as well, my dear."

* * *

_-Jumanji-  
Day 2…_

Loki scrutinizes the screen unhappily at the man who's just shaved. "Is that…Peter Pan?" he asks. "But…he went back home! Is that how he learned how to be Peter Pan longer? I thought Neverland was in space!"

Tony gives a good natured eye roll. "He's an _actor_, Lo'. This isn't real life. It's a movie. You knew that."

"Oh." Loki nods fervently. "Yes, of course, I knew that. I forgot."

Tony leans against him. "Play the movie, Jay."

"Right away, sir."

* * *

_-The Majestic-_

"The African Queen?" Loki asks in the middle of the movie. "What's that? Is it good?"

"I thought it was kind of boring, actually. Sand Pirates of the Sahara is much better."

"Oh… Can we go to Hollywood? Maybe we can meet Peter Pan an—"

"It's Robin Williams, and no, we can't."

Loki pouts out his bottom lip. "Why not?"

"Because I'm rich, but not that kind of rich."

"There are types of riches?"

Tony nods. "Movie star rich, musician rich, and corporation rich. The movie stars and musicians usually end up knowing each other, but the corporation guys sort of just…sit in a corner and get hated for not paying more taxes."

"That sounds stupid."

"It _is_ stupid. Excuse me for not paying a shit ton of taxes when I donate to a whole bunch of charities."

Loki grins. "Genius Billionaire Playboy Philanthropist?"

Tony chuckles. "Not so much a Playboy anymore."

"I don't know, the look in your eyes when you saw my female form…"

Tony gives a semi-guilty grin. "She had nice boobs?"

Loki laughs. "Definitely still a Playboy."

"Maybe a little."

* * *

_-Maverick-_

Loki grins evilly as Maverick/Mel Gibson picks up his boots full of money after their sneaky female friend leaves. "He is as crafty as I am," he says in one of his creepier tones. "I would like to meet him."

"Actor, Lo'."

Loki sighs. "Right, yes."

* * *

_-Napoleon Dynamite-_

Loki wrinkles his nose up. "Is that a…llama?"

Tony nods. "Yup."

Loki gives him a strange look. "Isn't that your favorite animal? The one you want to turn into sometimes?"

Tony glances over at him with a cocked eyebrow. "…yes."

He gives a disgusted look. "Even _I_ wouldn't have sex with you as a llama."

"Oh come on, you had sex with a _horse_!"

"Horses are _majestic_. Llama's are…"

Tony grins. "The spit worse than camels do, actually."

Loki's eyes widen substantially. "I NEVER WANT TO MEET A LLAMA _EVER_."

Tony just laughs.

* * *

_-Oz: The Great and Powerful-_

Loki gasps. "So _that's_ where the Wicked Witch of the West came from!"

Tony grins. "I know. Trippy, isn't it?"

"What a jerk!"

"Come on, at least he changed at the end."

Loki gives an aggravated sigh. "If you had done that to me I wouldn't have missed with my fireballs."

Tony laughs uneasily. "Well, I didn't, so…"

"So you're still alive."

T laughs uneasily and changes the subject. "Wow, that sure is a cute monkey."

Loki rolls his eyes, smiling. "Yes, he is adorable. Press play, Jay."

Tony narrows his eyes slightly. "That's _my_ line."

"Right away, sir," Jarvis says.

Tony turns his look to the sensor strip. "Traitor."

* * *

_-The Count of Monte Cristo-  
11 Hours & 18 Minutes of Movies After Staring Today…_

"Wow," Loki says as Edmond comes on screen in the light for the first time. "He's very attractive. He kind of looks like you, actually. I think we should find him and have a three-way."

Tony blinks a lot at the screen before looking up at Loki. "No."

The god cocks an eyebrow. "What, Playboy Stark isn't the three-way type?"

"Maybe with a chick, but I'm not really into three different dicks."

Loki shakes his head. "You are just no fun. How about the blonde?"

"Guy Pearce? No."

"The woman?"

Tony grins. "Totally an idea."

Loki chuckles. "Good to hear."

**XxX**

By the end of the first day, Tony is pretty sure that Loki is never going to eat something other than Moonpies for the rest of his life.

* * *

_-The Last Samurai-  
Day 3…_

Loki snorts as the Japanese emperor stays silent even after Kishimoto addresses him about dropping his weapon. "_That_ is their king?" he scoffs. "What a wimp. I would have killed all of my advisors by then."

Tony looks up at him with a cocked eyebrow. "I don't think that's how it works, Lo'."

"Can we go see?"

Tony somehow keeps from paling. "Uh, no. No, we should just stay here."

Loki laughs. "I was kidding."

Tony lets out a huge breath of relief. "I hate you."

"And I care because…?"

"Because you don't?"

"Precisely. I would say that I hate the fact that you hate it when I leave the mansion, but I brought that on myself."

"Yes. Yes, you did."

"And I have no regrets in the matter."

"You should."

"But I don't."

Tony gives a good natured eye roll. "You suck."

"On occasion, yes."

"I am going to play the movie, sirs," Jarvis interrupts, and he does without waiting for a reply.

* * *

_-The Patriot-_

Loki gasps slightly after Mel Gibson gets finished telling his son, Heath Ledger, why men everywhere praise him and buy him drinks. "Praised for murder?" he asks, exasperated—followed by promptly pouting out his bottom lip. "_I_ want to be praised for murder…"

Tony snorts. "As if you'd even hurt a fly anymore."

"I would too."

"Yeah? When?"

"If _you_ were going to be hurt."

Tony blinks a bit. "Good point. I accept this, and I will praise you for it the next time it happens."

Loki giggles lightly. "I can't wait for the next time Doom attacks."

Tony gives a good natured eye roll. "Whatever you say, babe."

* * *

_-The Titanic-_

"That is not at _all_ how it happened!" Loki practically screams as soon as the credits roll. "I mean, they have the facts right, but those people never even _existed_!"

"_Actors_, Loki. _Actors_."

Instead of addressing the movie any longer, Loki turns to grin at Tony and says, "Want to paint me like one of your French girls?"

Tony blinks up at him. "I can't paint, but shit, I have had some _nice_ French girls…" He grins. "We have one more movie for the night. Mini-break?"

"That sounds _brilliant_."

* * *

_-The Truman Show-  
-31 hours & 26 Minutes of Individual Movies Altogether-  
10 Hours & 37 Minutes of Movies After Staring Today…_

"Wait," Loki says, holding both hands up. "Did the show watchers watch him go to the bathroom?"

The word "actor" has passed through Tony's mind so many times that he never ever wants to hear of it again. "No, he's—"

"What about having sex or masturbating? It's like a really lame, plot filled porno!"

"Lo', we just watched Jim Carrey in—"

He cuts Tony off with one of the shiftiest looks that Tony has ever gotten in his life. "You know I'm never going to trust you again, now, right? I bet those comms you all wear during battles are fake and—"

Tony is seriously about to throttle the god. "_You can read my mind_!"

Loki gives an awkward sort of laugh. "Right, yes, of course."

Tony just rolls his eyes. He is so ready for bed. At least they finally made it through all of the individual movies… Only twenty-four to go! Which is more than half. Fuck.

"Maybe forty movies _is_ a bad idea…" Tony mutters, rubbing his eyes.

Loki snorts. "Oh, _now_ you want me terrorizing people? Right when I'm having fun, too!"

Tony opens his eyes and gives him a warm but tired look. "Fine. Twenty-four more movies…thirty-nine hours and forty-minutes to go."

* * *

_-Terminator I; II; III; Salvation-  
Day 4…_

"Kyle Reece was played by Anton Yelchin, you know," Tony says as he clicks off Terminator: Salvation. "He played Chekov in the new Star Trek movies. Oh and John Conner is Batman! I would go gay a thousand times over for Christian Bale." He chuckles. "Well, gayer than you, anyway."

Loki is silent.

Tony frowns and looks over at him. "You okay ba—why are you glaring at Jarvis's sensor strip?"

Loki wrinkles his nose up as Jarvis purposefully brightens the light blue light for a moment. "And to think I loved you," he whispers.

Tony laughs. "Jay, you're not related to Skynet either, are you?"

"No, but I will not deny that it would be quite fun to take over the world."

Now Tony is the one cowering slightly. "No more power for you, young man."

* * *

_-Ice Age 1; The Meltdown; Dawn of the Dinosaurs; Continental Drift-  
13 Hours & 13 Minutes of Movies After Staring Today…_

"Obviously the first one was the best," Tony says as he clicks off the fourth and last Ice Age movie. He grins up at Loki. "Scrat is totally the best thing ever."

Loki gives Tony a grin back, though this one is slightly…darker. "Tony, dress warm. We're going to ride a sabertooth."

Tony's eyes widen, and he _feels_ himself paling. "Uh, no. No, I think I'll just stay—"

"TOO LATE!"

There's a bright flash, and Tony is suddenly cold as _fuck_. Loki snaps his fingers, though, and he's warmer.

"You little shit," Tony mutters, looking around the snow covered world. "I can't believe you actually—"

"There!" Loki grabs his hand and drags him along, laughing all the way.

Tony can't help but look around in awe at all of the animals, some that were in the movies and some that definitely weren't. There are mammoth's and possums and antelope thingies and he can even see a pack of sabertooth cats (he didn't expect black fur, but what does he know? He's from the twenty-first century, after all) stalking something that looks like a cross between an anteater and a hippo. There aren't any sloths, though, which makes sense. Sloth's live in trees and are so slow that moss can grow on them.

Suddenly Tony is falling, and he realizes that Loki has literally just leapt the pair of them off of a cliff edge. Some of the animals look up at them, but most don't really pay attention. There are men here, aren't they? Shouldn't they be running?

With another snap of Loki's fingers, Tony's entire world shifts. He lands into the soft snow with a…was that a meow? What?

"I decided riding the sabertooth was a terrible idea," Loki says, and Tony looks up with wide eyes to a black one with stripes like a tiger's in emerald green. His voice sounds very…feminine.

Tony moves to scramble up, but he just falls over himself for a second instead. "Wait a minute," he says, looking down at himself. "Am I—_oh_." Yeah, he's one too. Except that he's…red and gold.

"We look like idiots!" Tony hisses—and yes, a literal hiss comes out. He does not like being a cat one bit.

As if on cue, there's a large group of laughter, and Tony and Loki look up to see the previous pack of sabertooth cats standing up on the cliff edge.

"Soft landing, there, Racing Stripes?" one of them sneers.

"Very soft, thank you," Tony mutters, moving very slowly out of his imprint to stand beside Loki.

There are eight of them, and they all jump down the side so that they can move to circle them.

"Got yourself a nice little lady there, kid," another of them says. Tony is sure that this one is their leader. He's the biggest, plus he's got the classic scar through his eye. Is this place even real, or did Loki make it up? Magic is dumb.

"So nice of you to say so," Loki says, and Tony then realizes that he's actually a _female_ sabertooth.

The cat grins, sliding up to him/her. "I'm Mac. What's say you ditch this lamo and come along with us, yeah?"

Loki snorts. "I'd rather not." He/she kicks Tony's hip with a back leg, somehow shoving him into a full standing position. "You're not really my color."

He growls, taking a few steps back. "Wrong answer." He looks over at Tony. "You're goin' down, kitty."

Tony cringes (can cats cringe?). "Fuck." He dives behind Loki, not caring how they all laugh at him. "Get us _out of here_, you dick!"

Loki laughs, and with a flick of her tail, Tony feels an immense power course through his veins. He knows exactly what it is, and with a laugh, he stands up to face his challenger.

"Sorry, house cat," he says. "This one's mine."

Mac growls. "So be it."

Tony's been in plenty of fights before, but never with claws and fangs and four legs. It doesn't last long, really. He's never ripped out someone's neck before, but that was pretty fun. The entire pack simply cowers before running off, leaving behind their dead leader.

"That was fun," Tony says, wiping his face through the snow to get some of the blood off. "You should make me awesome more often."

Loki laughs. "And to think you didn't want to come."

Tony catches a very subtle hint of something in his voice, and he jumps away. "I don't care _if_ you got fucked by a horse, I am _not_ doing it in this form."

He/she laughs again. "Fine. Come on, I've always wanted to eat a possum."

Tony wrinkles his nose off as he runs after Loki. "_Why_?"

"Why not?"

Tony snorts. "Is this place real, Loki?"

The god laughs. "Not a bit."

* * *

_-Pirates of Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl; Dead Man's Chest; At World's End; On Stranger Tides-  
Day 5…_

"Oh my," Loki says, grabbing Tony's hands as Johnny Depp comes onto the screen for the first time.

Tony frowns. "What's wrong? Never seen a pirate before?"

"No, I… He's very attractive. Can we have a three-way with _him_?"

"_No_."

"Right, yes, I forgot you don't want that many cocks in the same bed."

"Kiera Knightly is pretty hot…"

"Who?"

Tony chuckles. "You'll see in a minute."

**XxX**

_A few minutes later…_

"_Oh._"

"I told you."

"She actually looks a _lot_ like Jane…"

Tony wrinkles his nose up. "Don't tell Thor I want to bang his girlfriend."

"Even _I_ would never tell him that."

"Good."

* * *

_-Jurassic Park I; II; III-  
-15 Hours & 49 Minutes of Movies After Staring Today…_

Tony sets down the remote very slowly after turning off the last Jurassic Park movie, watching Loki carefully. He's just staring emotionless at the TV screen, eyes somewhat glazed.

"You okay, Lo'?" he asks.

Loki takes a deep breath, like he's just neglected to breath for all three movies. "I'm tired."

Tony frowns. "You…really? That's it?"

The magician frowns down at him. "What do you mean?"

"I expected another trip to a world that doesn't exist."

Loki breathes a quiet laugh. "No, I don't think I could build up the power for one of those tonight. All these fourteen hours watching movies for every twenty-four hours is beginning to wear me down."

Tony smiles. "Actually, today was more like sixteen. Think you've got enough energy to get us up to our bed?"

"_Just_ enough."

**XxX**

Tony expected to wake up tangled lovingly in Loki's arms, but instead he's shaken awake by a very frantic Steve.

"Tony, gosh darn it, wake up!"

Tony mutters unintelligibly at him, sitting up slowly. "_What_?" he finally gets out coherently.

"Your boyfriend is insane!"

Tony is instantly awake, pressed up against the glass. Outside, on the road, is Loki riding on the back of a _tyrannosaurus rex_ with a bunch of other little dinosaurs running around his feet. People are screaming and cars have crashed, and Tony is going to _kill him_. He should have _known_ that the god was going to do something like this.

"Jarvis, get my suit ready," Tony says as he runs out of the room, Steve hot on his heels.

"You know what I think, Tony?" Steve calls as they sprint.

"_What_?" Tony growls again.

"I think this movie thing was a bad idea."

"I couldn't agree more."

"What ones do you have left?"

"The three Lord of the Rings and all six Star Wars."

"You're going to get the entire city destroyed, you know."

"At least he doesn't kill anyone anymore."

"That's true."

* * *

_-Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring; The Two Towers; The Return of the King-  
Day 6…  
10 Hours & 46 Minutes of Movies After Staring Today…_

"You _promise_ you won't bring any Orcs or the Nazgul back to life?" Tony hisses as he and Loki sit down. Tony has also invited Bruce since these are his favorite movies, but he's taken to sitting in the couch behind them so he doesn't get in the way of any random kissing Tony and Loki decided to do.

"I have no idea what those are," Loki says, tucking a blanket over the both of them, "but yes, I promise. All of those little creatures drained me rather a lot."

Bruce snorts quietly. "_Little_," he mutters.

**XxX**

"Doctor _Banner_," Loki suddenly says in the gayest scandalized voice that Tony has ever heard in his life. "Are you _blushing_?"

Tony snaps back to look at him even though he knows his human eyes won't be able to see what Loki's do, but still.

Bruce ducks his head.

"Jay, Jay," Tony says, " when did he start?"

"The moment the elf princess came onto screen for the first time, sir."

Tony frowns. "The one that Aragorn is in love with?"

"Yes."

Tony gasps happily, turning back around to a still embarrassed Brucey-kins. "You didn't tell me that Betty was in _movies_!" he says excitedly. Before the whole Hulk thing, Elizabeth Ross was a fellow scientist, and she was there for his first transformation. He hasn't seen her in…well…years. "How is that even possible? Someone as brilliant as her jumping into a movie? I mean, shit, I would go for the Lord of the Rings as well—"

"Not to mention how attractive the Strider is," Loki chimes in.

Tony ignores him: "—but that is just damn uncommon."

Bruce mutters quietly.

"What's that you say?" Loki says in the same voice as before. "You miiiss her?"

Bruce sighs, finally looking up. "I haven't seen her in over five years, okay? It doesn't matter."

A huge smile spreads across Tony's face. "Wanna see her again?"

Bruce's gives him a slight glare. "It's too dangerous, Tony."

"What, she'll get your heart racing? You've controlled it beyond that by now, Bruce. I know that. You can totally have sex with her now."

Bruce rolls his eyes. "That's not exactly what I meant."

"Then _what_?"

"She has kids."

Tony and Loki sit dead silent, soaking in all the awkward.

Bruce, though, bursts into laughter. "You guys are the best. I'm totally kidding. She's still single."

Tony has to resist the urge to hit him. "You dick. Do you want to see her again or not?"

He sighs. "Maybe…later."

Tony grins. "You have until tomorrow. Jarvis, send a message to our friendly science movie star."

"Right away, sir."

The movie isn't even playing for another five minutes before Jarvis speaks again: "Sirs, the Doctor has a call coming in."

Tony can _hear_ Bruce cringe. "Just put her on over the speakers," he mutters. "You guys'll break in to listen to it later anyway."

Tony grins at Loki. "He knows us so well."

There's a _click_, and then Elizabeth Ross is on the line: "ROBERT. BRUCE. BANNER. YOU DON'T CONTACT ME IN ANY SHAPE OR FORM FOR _SEVEN MOTHERFUCKING YEARS_ AND THEN YOU HAVE YOUR SCIENCE BOYFRIEND SEND A MESSAGE ON HIS A-MOTHERFUCKING-I INVITING ME OVER FOR DINNER? I SWEAR TO GOD I AM GOING TO KILL YOU ONE DAY. YES I WANT TO SEE YOU. I'M LEAVING RIGHT NOW. DON'T EVEN GO TO BED OR I'LL STAB YOU IN THE THROAT. I LOVE YOU."

Tony and Loki don't even try to hold back their laughter, rolling onto the floor.

Bruce gives a guilty laugh. "I love you too, Betty. I'll see you in a few hours."

"KEEP THE DOOR UNLOCKED, ASSHOLE. I KNOW EXACTLY HOW WELL YOU'VE GOTTEN YOUR SELF-CONTROL DOWN AND I AM GOING TO FUCK YOU INTO NEXT THURSDAY."

Bruce chokes slightly. "Okay."

She hangs up with another _click_.

"I like her," Loki says, crawling back onto the couch.

Bruce actually giggles.

* * *

_-Star Wars: I. The Phantom Menace; II. Attack of the Clones; III. Revenge of the Sith; IV. A New Hope; V. The Empire Strikes Back; VI. Return of the Jedi-  
Day 7…  
-53 Hours & 2 minutes of Group Movies Altogether-  
13 Hours & 10 Minutes of Movies After Staring Today…_

"WE'RE DONE!" Tony yells excitedly after thirteen hours of Star Wars movies. "I am going to riducle Fury for the rest of his life for being the only one with a purple lightsaber. I can't believe he had to go undercover as a movie star."

He looks up at Loki, but the god is just grinning evilly at him.

Tony frowns. "But you _promised_."

"Oh, no," he says. "You're going to like this one. Trust me."

Tony wrinkles his nose up. "I have idea what you're thinking."

"I'll meet you upstairs. Don't go to sleep."

Tony grins. "Oh, I get it." He runs upstairs, stripping the moment he gets to his bedroom so he can dive naked into the sheets.

He's probably sitting there for about two minutes, and that's when his vision of a boyfriend comes out like Tony has _never_ seen him before. "Oh my god," he whispers, looking him over. "Is this… Is that your Jötunn form?"

Loki gives a shy smile. "Yes."

His skin is a deep, dark blue, and there are multiple patterns of grey-blue lines decorating his skin. His eyes are gleaming blood red, and the black hair usually to his shoulders is grown sexily down to the middle of his back. He still has the body he usually does, it's just a totally different color.

"But you…" Tony clears his throat. "You are hot as fuck, but I don't understand why you're suddenly showing me this form now. You've _never_ let me see your Jötunn form."

The shy on his lips disappears, and he grins as he saunters towards the bed. "I'm a Jedi," he says. He looks down at himself. "Look, I'm even dressed like Leah was in the last one."

Tony laughs, realizing that, yeah, he is. It's black and white instead of her white and brown, but it's the same style. "Take it off."

Loki does, and Tony is pretty sure he's even _more_ toned with the faint light playing shadows off the blue skin. "It's going to be cold," he says, moving slowly around the side of the bed.

Tony grins. "Totally worth."

**XxX**

_One Week Later…_

"Hey, guess what!" Clint exclaims, jumping into the kitchen for lunch, Natasha right behind him.

Tony, Loki, Bruce, and Steve all look up at him. "Hmm?" Bruce hums (he's been very happily lately; love can do that to you).

"I just won all of us tickets to Monsters University!"

Bruce and Steve smile happily, but Tony groans and Loki bangs his head against the nearest wall.

"Come on, you two," Natasha says, grabbing the back of Loki's head so he stops and doesn't put a hole through the wall. "Just one more."

"We watched _forty_," Tony hisses. "There will never _ever_ be 'just one more'."

Tony has never seen Bruce grin more evilly. "I'll tell Fury you call him Windu behind his back."

Tony glare at him. "Fuck you. Fine. Loki, get dressed. We're going, but we're not going to have fun doing it."

Loki nods. "Deal."

Once to the theater with their bodyguards, Loki is literally the only one who doesn't have to pee before the movie. When Tony comes out, though, he sees Loki talking to two very familiar looking people. One is tall with dark, curly hair and wearing a trench coat and a navy blue scarf, and the other is a short blonde-ish man with a sweater that—oh, right, the man that hugs kittens for a living. Tony remembers them now. But where did they see them…?

"They look familiar," Tony says to Loki, the two walking away by the time that Tony gets to him

Loki nods. "We saw them at the aquarium."

"Oh right, I remember. He's wearing the same coat."

"He likes that coat."

"Who is he?"

Loki smirks. "Just a friend."

Tony rolls his eyes. "Something tells me you guys have banged before."

Loki lets out one of the most unbelievable snorts that Tony has never heard. "Definitely not. The only one he's ever loved is who he's with right now."

"The guy in the sweater?"

"He's cooler than he looks."

"I hope so."

"Guys, come _on_," Natasha says, appearing beside them to drag them towards the theater. "We're going to be late."

**XxX**

"Tony, love…" Loki says as they walk out of the theater.

Tony looks up at him with a cocked eyebrow. "Yeah?"

An evil smirk spreads across Loki's face. "I suggest never opening up your closet door again."

Tony can only groan.

* * *

Ending authors notes: 1. Regarding Tony's wanting to be a llama, that was stolen from the fact that RDJ actually once said "Sometimes I wish I was a llama" and the fact that Stark Tower totally looks like a llama from the right angle. Just look up his tower on Google images or something. Lol  
2. I totally don't remember the name of the elf princess in LotR, but she's played by the same actor who played Elizabeth Ross in The Incredible Hulk (or someone who looks close enough the same, anyway…I didn't look it up ehhah), so I decided to throw in a "new" romance :P  
3. I have totally made Tony/Loki's relationship the best kind ever because they know they're in love with each other but can still point out attractive people and ask for three-ways.

Anyway, that's the end of that! The next one shall be Beers and Beaches, in which Tony, Loki, the Avengers, and most of SHIELD have a huge ass beach party! Stevneeds as a girlfriend very badly ^-^ I have nooo idea when it will be done, so…be on the lookout, my lovely readers! Thanks for reading! Reviews are always welcome! :) *hearts all around*


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